I heard that quote a few months back listening to a podcast episode of “The God Journey” by Wayne Jacobson. The God Journey is one of my favorite podcasts. You can check it out here.
When I heard Wayne say it something inside of me felt like it was right. It reminded me of how I felt about 8 years ago. I remember a friend of mine saying one day, “why are you so stressed out? You seem like you wake up everyday like someone is pointing a gun to your head!” And honestly, that’s how I felt.
I was in my late 20’s and was a church planter. I felt driven everyday to do something great, to work harder, to accomplish more. Do more, try harder, make more opportunities, push, push, push was how I internally operated. And you know what? I didn’t accomplish more. I didn’t have more joy, peace, patience or kindness. And now I know why.
It doesn’t matter if you are pursuing a “sacred” goal. If you wake up every day driven by a force, it’s not Jesus. That sense of angst, pressure and stress is from the devil. It’s the devil that drives us, not the Father.
Now 8 years later, I’m not a church planter, at least not in the traditional sense. Now I’m a pioneer out of the edge of the Kingdom of God, doing ministry in bars. I don’t have any books to read or models that I know to follow. I feel further out on the edge than I ever have in my life. But, I have never been more at peace. The moment I embraced the truth that my Father is the good shepherd and he leads and I follow, things got a lot easier.
Every major breakthrough for Pub Theology has not come as a result of my great efforts. I don’t wake up stressed out about what we have to accomplish next. I do my best to wake up and ask Father what’s next. Does that mean I don’t work hard? NO. I still work hard. I still have a crazy schedule. But I have peace. I have confidence. I have faith.
If you woke up today stress out that you had to “Make it happen”, stop! You aren’t that good. You don’t run the universe. If you are in a covenant with Jesus, He has promised to protect and provide for you. Rest in that.
And just know, that gun you feel pressed into the back of your head isn’t being held by God.